A Year Without a Job-Job
February 28, 2024
Hi Everyone,
it’s been a year since I had a full-time job as an employee for another company. It’s always interesting how certain big events make a permanent impression in my brain and body, and when that time of year rolls around again, I get all the feels and reminders. This post is a bit of a continuation from my ‘6 month update’.
Here are my thoughts one year away from having a full-time job for someone else.
What I miss:
The paycheck. Having money drop magically into my bank account every two weeks was something I had come to depend on for 15 years (or honestly, starting in high school since I’ve had some kind of job since I was 16!). Even when I moved companies (the one time) I think I only missed one paycheck. (Not a pro move, I highly recommend to anyone switching jobs to take a real break in between, at least two weeks!) I’m working towards a specific financial goal for 2024 (I think I’ll get there, knock-on-wood), but it’s a very different reality from a predictable salary. One reality of working for myself as a consultant is that I may never have a guaranteed paycheck, BUT then again, working for a company is not a guarantee either!
The team. I do miss the built-in camaraderie of working towards shared goals with co-workers. I love people and building trust and relationships over time. The flip side is that I’ve been creating my own community and team, so to speak. I have a podcast co-host, one of my clients is a company where I have built-in existing friends (the luck + good fortune!), I host a small monthly get together for other freelancers to celebrate and commiserate together, I take advantage of other existing collaborative groups, and I try to create projects with friends when possible.
Having one, larger focus. I think this is a grass-is-greener situation. When I had a full time job I was frustrated that I didn’t have the energy to do anything else (like write a newsletter). Now that I have my own business and can do what I like with my time, I can easily feel chaotic and my energy can get super split. I need a lot more discipline than I currently have and I am working on that in order to be really productive and clear in my mind. I guess it’s also worth noting that I could feel very chaotic and split when I had my previous job, so maybe this is really just about self discipline and focus.
What I don’t miss:
The hours. I have always felt that the hours between 9-5 ‘belonged’ to my employer; I mean, that’s what the salary is for, right? Specific to my last job at a software start up, as many of you either know personally or have heard, working in e-commerce and tech is rough on any schedule because websites don’t close their doors. If you create a new experience or offering on a website, you are responsible for it 24/7. This can make for some strange hours and stressful commitments. These days, I’m loving the experience of my time ‘belonging’ to me. Of course when I take on a client and we agree to a certain amount of work and time, that is their time, but it’s more flexible and I can decide how it fits into my life. I make myself laugh when I ask myself for permission for a day off. I have noticed that I still have a feeling of guilt when I have a less productive day, and I think that may take a while to let go of.
The stress. I was very stressed at my last job. I was in a steep learning curve at a start up, and I never felt like I truly knew what I was doing or that I could take a breath. A lot of this was start-up life and the needs of my role kept changing. I love learning, but that specific role was too far outside my comfort zone. When I look back, I see that I was not happy, but I was on a hamster wheel and couldn’t see the forest through the trees.
Reporting to someone. Hear me out on this one, it’s more of a self-learning woo-woo point. I naturally tend to ask other people what I should do. I wish I had a genie that I could consult on all kinds of topics who would give me the RIGHT answer. (Spoiler, neither the genie or the one right answer exist.) I’ve always been comfortable having someone above me that I can report into and look to for direction, but I think the opportunity for me is to grow into learning how to not need that. I’ve never been a ‘ask for forgiveness, not permission’ person, but I’ve always been envious of people that are. In working for myself, I am being forced to navigate decisions all the time that I would have previously consulted my boss on. Regardless of what I end up doing re: working for myself or working for someone else in the future, I think this is an important piece of my own development to be a more independent thinker and move things forward with less input.
I’m not sure how to phrase it, but I don’t miss having my work set out for me. I love having the freedom of creating an evolving body of work, following the opportunities that interest me and creating new opportunities where I find gaps. I like having my hands in many cookie jars, gourmande that I am.
Thanks for reading + being on this adventure with me.
Cynthia
cynthia@moltevolte.com
